You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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