FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
