Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
