I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
