All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize