i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
