Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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