I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
