WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
