laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
