My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
