So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
