How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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