I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
