but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My dick has a subreddit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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