I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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