We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
