There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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