and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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