your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
