nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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