i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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