please come you make the beer taste better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
