Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
