ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
