umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont even know how to be here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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