I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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