i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize