remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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