we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
