She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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