My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
