There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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