is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
