Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
