I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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