Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
