i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
