Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
