she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
