i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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