Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
