If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
