If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
