babies were throwing up all over the place
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and she was petting her beer can
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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