Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
