Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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