Jerry, you need to find god
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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