Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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