Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
