I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
