i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
