Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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