Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
two words...techno handjob
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize