My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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