Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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