Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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