Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
