I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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