He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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