he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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