I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
