All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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