you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
