There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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