He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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