drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
