I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
