So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
